


A series of KLance fics.

by Mystery_Down_Here



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Basically crack fics no one needed, Got crack ships with Keith? Then comment/, Just all smut at this rate, Like, M/M, Maybe more like all the smut x keith, This collage slowly turned into Keith x anything my friend and I could think of., hella crack fics, keith and lance x smut tropes in general.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-10-14 01:23:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10525962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystery_Down_Here/pseuds/Mystery_Down_Here
Summary: A series of crack fics and stories  requested by my friends. Then some smut fic ideas i get after my hallucinogenic states at 2am. Take em.





	1. Keith x Music notes

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack fic about Keith and some horny music notes.

Keith opened his eyes slowly to the sight of dark clouds forming endlessly into the sky. He rolled onto his side and hissed at the sudden pain he felt on his forehead. He slowly lifted his hand and touched a long cut that crossed his left eyebrow. He rubbed the blood on his fingers onto the ground then immediately paused at the feeling of gravel and sand against his skin. He stared at the road below him. "I was just in my room...How?" He whirled his head in every direction only to be met with the sight of  long road on either side of him. Fields of low-trimmed grass spread far out alongside the expansive gravel road.

Keith slowly stood up and assessed his options. He knew that he needed to figure out what was going on but he honestly didn't know where he was. His surroundings were so endless in their distances that he felt so lost.

Suddenly a low strumming sound echoed in the distance. Keith turned around to look at the source of the noise but saw nothing but emptiness, grass, and road. The strumming continued to slowly become louder and louder, Keith identifying the rhythmic noise as a guitar. He furrowed his brows in confusion as anxiety began to bubble up in his subconscious.

Just as he calmed down and tried to focus on the source of the noise, a hard object brushed up against his back. Startling the poor emo kid. He quickly lunged forward and pulled out a small knife from his belt loop and turned around to face the creature who rustled his jimmies.

It was a treble clef strumming a guitar to a song Keith couldn't recognize.

He lowered his weapon but held a steady grip on the handle in case the music note showed any signs of being a threat to his safety. He suspiciously eyes the music note from the bottom to its top. He stared intently at all the intricate curves of the note and how there were two slim, stringy arms and legs protruding from the sides and bottom curve of the note. Giving the note a humanesque build as the end of its arms had five small lines strumming the guitar chords like Lance would.

Keith's intensive gaze slowly made its way up to the note's "face" and raised his eyebrows in surprise. There was a glowing red tint highlighting the music note's features. He tilted his head in confusion before he warily held out his hand to touch the treble clef's "face" as it continued to strum its song. His hand hesitantly got closer and closer to the treble clef's black surface. He held his breath still as he stared deeply into the treble clef's black, smooth, and endless surface. "You're not bad are you" He asked lowly as his fingertips lightly touched the treble clef.

All too suddenly for Keith's body to react to, his arms were swiftly pulled behind his back and forcefully shoved through a round band-like object. His head was pulled backwards by his mullet and a smooth rectangular black object latched itself over his mouth. He struggled against whatever was holding him still, muffled sounds of anger humming from his throat as he thrashed about. He tried to squirm and shuffle about until his attackers harshly shoved his face forward into the gravel of the road. He landed on his cheek-meat his head being turned to lay on its side, luckily giving him the advantage of being able to look at whose man's is behind him.

Shockingly, it was an eighth note and a sixteenth note, their blag flags looming over him ominously.

Keith breathed heavily through his nose as his arms began to ache and numb at the strain they were put through behind his back. He tried to stand up or at least crawl away but the eighth note held him down with strength Keith didn't think a music note could have.

The sixteenth note stood next to Keith's side, as if it were looking down at a caught gazelle. Its long noodly arm reached behind Keith. The person themselves feeling something like a snake slither against his lower back. He held his breath and slowly began to panic as he felt the sixteenth note slip its noodle hand under the hem of his pants and undies, pulling the pieces of clothing down his legs slowly. He slightly shivered at the coolness of his now bare ass. He tried to lower his hips, his legs scraping against the gravel in an attempt to run away from all of these weird ass music notes but the  eighth note held him still. 

Keith thought that the whole event  was just a vivid dream he was having and that he would wake up, but the sudden, very dry and sharp pain that he felt in his asshole sure as hell didn't wake him up. Unfortunate.

A loud scream retched from his throat as his eyes burned at the dry feeling of the sixteenth note's small noodle fingers forcefully stretching his walls apart mercilessly. Until there was a cool liquid, almost like water that washed over his burning hole and partially into his tunnel of dreams. The cool liquid soothed his aching hole but didn't stop the music note's fingers from prying apart his booty ho.

 Keith's cheeks burned as his eyes freely spilled tears. His legs scraped against the gravel as the eighth note held his hips still. He cried and whimpered but it was all muffled by the black band latched around his mouth.

The sixteenth note's fingers slipped out of his hole and stood behind Keith who furiously glared at the flag note behind him. The note stooped over him, it's black surface presumably smirking down at Keith. 

Keith's feet slipped against the ground as he wondered what the music note was planning on doing until something slimy and abnormally round and large prodded his puckered hole. It was the hardest Keith has ever clenched his ass muscles in his life. Fearing what may be trying to breach his walls of holy love.

The sixteenth note pressed its abnormally large protruding limb against Keith's hole and slowly pushed through. Keith felt his asshole stretch apart and extreme amount in order to accommodate the note's girth being shoved into him. He suddenly felt a small tear of his asshole, he didn't know whether it was because of all the stretching or if he was being torn apart but he screamed as loud as he could possible.

"KEITH SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Keith fumbled around and fell off of his bed. He panted heavily as he scrambled to feel around his body, his hands rubbing desperately across his pajamas. Before immediately started tugging his shorts off in a hurried manner. Lance leaned over the edge of the bed and removed his eye mask. "Keith! Why the fuck are you screaming so loud in the middle of - wha- why are you stripping!?"

Keith ignored Lance in favor of feeling around his hole, it felt the same but he couldn't twist around well enough to really see. He turned his ass towards Lance. "Lance check my asshole!'

"Check your what!?"

Keith backed up towards Lance. "MY. ASS. CHECK IT!" 

Lance fumbled for words as Keith backed his ass up into his face. He quickly reacted once his mind caught up ad pushed Keith away from him. "Dude no! I'm-I'm not gonna look at your ass that's gay!"

Keith moved his arms behind his back and stretched his cheeks apart. "Just tell me if there's blood anywhere!"

Lance covered his eyes. "No!"

"LANCE I SWEAR TO QUIZNACK LOOK AT MY ASSHOLE YOU FUCKING STRING BEAN!"

Lance peered through his fingers and looked at Keith's asshole. "It looks fine, there's nothing there! Can you stop being weird now!?"

Keith sighed and relaxed, his body collapsing onto the ground. He slowly pulled up his pants again. Lance crawled off of the bed and sat himself near Keith. "Keith, what's going on? Why were you doing that and did you call me a string bean?" He asked.

Keith looked around the room. It was his room, the lights were off but his eyes were adjusted enough that he could see around. Lance sat next to him and the rest of his room looked the same as usual, there weren't any weird music notes. He turned towards Lance and stared at him. His heart was racing from his dream.

Lance looked down at KEith in slight confusion. "Are you okay?" He asked.

Keith sighed and closed his eyes before laying on his back and holding out his arms. "It was a weird dream." Lance crawled into Keith's arms. "Did you die?" He asked. "No, but - well - it doesn't matter anymore." He sighed in relief again as he crossed his arms around Lance.

Lance laid his face into Keith's chest. "Are you good dude?" He asked lastly.

"Yeah."

Lance looked up and rolled over, pulling Keith on top of him. "I really wonder what you dreamed of that made you worry about your ass so much." Keith laid his head into Lance's neck. "Keith did you get fucked too hard in your dream?" He asked. Keith opened his mouth and bit Lance harshly. "Ow!"

Keith leaned up and scooted over and back into his bed, he held up the covers. "come on. You're tired right?" 

Lance crawled into Keith's embrace. "I'll comfort you since my little chicken had a nighty-mare." He cooed. Keith grimaced slightly, but smiled and kissed Lance's forehead. "Thanks, it'll make me feel better. My dream was pretty weird....And uncomfortable."

"That's why a little lovin' will save a scared man's soul!" Lance cheered, hugging Keith closer to himself.

Keith chuckled and snuggled into Lance more and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protip: Don't think about the flags on music notes for too long.  
> If there are any sentence errors are grammar mistakes please overlook them I do my best to proofread my work. If you have suggestions for new crack fics comment please!


	2. Lance x Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strange anomaly had happened on the ship and surprise surprise. Lance is duplicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance x Lance. Forewarning this fic was discontinued because referring to each Lance became confusing for all of the Voltron team and me.

Lance stretched his arms high above his head and yawned as he walked down the hallway that led to his room. He looked down the long passageway and slightly paused once he noticed a familiar looking mullet.

"Hey mullet, what are you doing skulking around here?" He asked.

Keith looked his way and paused with a confused look on his face. "Didn't we just talk?"

Lance furrowed his brows a bit. "Are you hitting on me?" He asked with a small smirk.

Keith raised an eyebrow, staring at Lance awkwardly before opening his mouth. "Ah - no, well, goodnight I guess." He commented before brushing past Lance who rubbed the back of his neck in confusion. He shrugged and continued his walk towards his room.

Once in front of his room door, he noticed a small goo stain on his shirt. He grumbled in irritation as he tried to rub at it while walking into his room.

"Woah" he heard a very, **very** familiar voice say. One that he would personally say sounded like caramel and clear ocean waves briskly sliding across soft matted white sand on a sunny clear skies day. He looked up at the source of the handsome voice and froze.

Wavy dark brown curly hair. Beautifully supple and well kept tan skin. A sharp jaw with round, deep blue eyes that looked like a shining kyanite gemstone. A tall, lean male who could easily out beauty every person Lance has ever met in his life. Breathtaking, stunning, handsome, and abundantly beautiful. A specimen of perfection.  
Lance's heart fluttered at the sight before him.

"Dude, why are you in my room." The male said in a crisp, clear voice.

Lance blinked multiple times to check if he was still alive. "Ah, wait why are you in my room?"

The male looked right at Lance and Lance looked back.

"Oh shit."

* * *

 

"So let me get this straight. A second Lance just appeared in your bedroom?" Allura asked as she massaged her increasing furrow of frustration.

Lance and Lance nodded their heads in unison.

Allura stared at them and sighed tiredly. "I need a drink" she mumbled and then pointed sharply at the Lance's. "You two stay here and don't do anything. Coran and I will try to fix whatever is causing this-" she shifted her gaze towards one of the Lance's. "Anomaly."

The second Lance furrowed his brows. "I'm the original Lance you know." - oh -

Allura sighed again and walked away, Coran in tow. Leaving the rest of the Voltron team to gawk and stare at the two Lance's standing side by side.

"So, what do we do?" Hunk asked after a long pause.

Pidge walked up to the two Lance's and curled around each one, carefully examining them. "They look so alike, almost like a mirror image." She lifted one of the Lance's shirts and placed a cold hand against their skin. "What!?" The Lance jumped forward and held down the back hem of their shirt down. "Pidge what the hell!"

Pidge smirked and took out a marker from her back pocket, she grabbed the hand of the Lance who didn't move and wrote a 1 on the top of his palm. She walked over to the other Lance and messily wrote a 2 on his hand. "There, like tweedle Dweeb and tweedle dumb."

"Hey! I'm not dumb if anything we're more like thing 1 and thing 2!"

"Hey! I'm not a dweeb if anything we're more like thing 1 and thing 2!"

The Lance's said in unison.

"Oh my god I have a headache now." Hunk said before turning away. "I'm going to go make some food and calm myself down."

Pidge smiled happily. "Well then, we can tell you guys apart now. Not that I know which one is the original though" she laughed loudly before jogging out of the lounge room to presumably work on some robots.

Shiro continued to stare ominously at the Lance's as Keith took a seat on the lounge room's sofa and laid his head over the backrest of the furniture. The Lance's turned to one another and compared their hands.

"So you're one." Lance 1 said.

"And you're two." The other Lance said a bit plainly.

"But which one is the original?" Shiro asked aloud.

The Lance's turned towards him and then looked at each other before speaking in unison. "It's me."

"Oh lord...." Keith grumbled aloud.

The Lance's turned back towards shiro with a frown on their faces. Shiro crossed his arms more as he looked between the two Lance's. "Well, I suppose you two should stay out of trouble until Allura and Coran figure out what is causing there to be, well - two of you."

"How are we going to figure out which is the original?" Keith asked. "At this rate we won't know who's the Lance of this place or the Lance of another, or-" he leaned forward and narrowed his eyes at the Lance's. "Which is an intruder."

The Lance's stiffened slightly. Shiro idly shook his head. "We'll come to that and work through it when we need to. For now, let's just take it easy. Lance and...Lance. you two go on and head to your - uh -rooms? Room? Mnmmm." He turned upwards in slight confusion before looking back down. "Just stay put somewhere and try not to do too much." Shiro turned away and walked out of the lounge room.

The Lance's looked at one another Before turning towards Keith who looked at them curiously. Both of the Lance's tilted their heads in question causing Keith to grimace and sigh. "You guys are too confusing." He said as he stood up and stalked out of the lounge room.

The Lance's both shrugged and left to their room.

\-------

Lance looked at - well - Lance. They were both on the bed of Lance's room. Happily giving each other facials. The healthy kind with cucumbers and seaweed face masks. "So, how did you end up here?" Lance 1 asked.

"Well, I was sleeping and when I woke up, I was in still in my room but then Keith came in and then you came in." Lance 2 answered rubbing in the mask over Lance's face.

Lance nodded his head appraisingly. "That's valid, I ran into Keith on my way here too." He commented as he handed Lance 2 a couple of cucumbers. "Stick those over your eyes." He directed before placing his own cucumbers over his eyes.

Lance 2 snickered. "So what are we going to do now?" He asked before eating the cucumbers instead.

Lance laid down on his bed. "Relax obviously. If there's two of me, I can get a full cleanse today for once."

Lance 2 pouted, he leaned above Lance who's eyes were covered by cucumbers but he felt the dip of the bed. "What's up?" Lance asked.

Lance 2 licked his lips. "If it's with someone like me, is it still masturbation?"

Lance hummed in idle thought before furrowing his brows a bit. "You know, would it? I'm not really sure what brought on your question but you're me, so it's still playing with myself right?" He asked aloud.

Lance 2 leaned down and picked a cucumber off of Lance's eye with his mouth as he picked the other one off with his hand. He chewed and swallowed the cucumbers, slowly licking his lips clean. "I'll get us a hot towel and maybe we can find out that answer out together?" He said in an all too persuading voice.

Lance pursed his lips and turned away. "I haven't done it in a while. I guess now than never...." He said lowly.

"Now that's an answer I like to hear." Lance 2 said as he stepped off of the bed and into the bathroom, quickly returning with warm towels to wipe off their face masks.

Once off, Lance 2 immediately leaned closer to Lance who sat warily at the edge of the bed. Lance 2 settled his hands on either side of Lance, his knee crawling between his legs. "Have you got an idea yet?" He whispered lowly.

Lance leaned away. "Not really, this is just a bit...Weird." he mumbled.

Lance 2 leaned closer to Lance's face, his knee shifting dangerously close to Lance's nether regions. "They do say the best way to learn something is to just do it." Lance 2 moved his hand up and held Lance's jaw still. "So let's just go in and see what happens."

Lance's eyes shifted down to Lance 2's lips. His own lips quivering in anticipation. "What if something bad happens, you're me and I'm you. We both know this isn't normal."

"Once in a lifetime chances are not usually normal Lance." Lance 2 said before closing the minor space between them with a small kiss. Lance 2 stared into Lance's nearly closed eyes before kissing him again but with a bit more desperation than before.

Lance and Lance went back and forth, kissing and chasing each other's lips. Their bodies pressing against one another with every movement of their mouths and tongues. Lance 2 quickly pushed Lance down onto the bed, their desperate kisses continuing. They tugged and pulled at one another's clothes until they were left in their boxer's.

Lance 2 glided his hands across Lance's body lower and lower, his body falling in between his legs. He palmed at Lance's hard-on before removing Lance's boxer's. A bit of pre-cum sticking to the clothing.

"You got wet pretty quickly."

"S-shut up Lance. Fuck that was weird."

"Yeah, I know, but I kind of like it." Lance 2 mused. He wrapped his hand around Lance's stiff cock and stroked it a bit warily. He chuckled. "No wormholes yet." 

"Wouldn't one have appeared since we kissed?" Lance breathed out through his fingers that covered his mouth.

"I suppose so." Lance 2 agreed before he stuck his tongue out and dragged it from the base of Lance's cock to the tip, swirling his tongue around the head. 

"Mh!" Lance moaned lightly as his back trembled slightly. "L-lance, hah h-hold on!"

Lance 2 smiled devilishly and slowly took Lance's cock into his mouth, his lips and jaw opening up wider and wider as he slipped his mouth further down his girth. He got close to Lance's base before lifting his head up quickly with heavy pants. "You may not know but we're actually pretty big."

"You're throat doesn't hurt right?" Lance asked.

Lance two stroked Lance's cock idly. "No reflex, it must be because we brush the backs of our tongues everyday, or we just don't have a sensitive gag reflex." Lance 2 mouthed the side of Lance's cock. "Good thing cause I can take you without worry."

Lance's cheeks burned, he couldn't believe that he - Lance - the second lance - was sucking him off. Could something like this even exist? Was he dreaming? 

Lance 2 set a easy pace of sucking and licking Lance's twitching cock while stroking him as he slowly took Lance in his mouth deeper and deeper until he could feel his dick sliding across the back of his throat in a pleasing pain.

"Ahhh!' Lance moaned aloud freely, his chest heaving as he shakily placed a head atop Lance's head. He was still doubting everything. It was himself after all, was this really okay?

"La-lance, stop it. I'm g-gonna cum Hah." He warned as his lower stomach tightened.

Lance 2 lifted his head and quickly stroked Lance off until he came with a loud gasp. Lance 2 caught all of Lance's spurting cum into his hand. "Ooh been holding off for a while?" He lapped at Lance's dick to clean off the small remaining drops streaming down his cock. "Is it because of the last mission? I haven't done it in a while either."

Lance collapsed backwards onto his bed, his arm coming up to lay over his burning face. "Holy quiznack we must have broke some law of nature or something."

Lance 2 rubbed the cum on his hand onto a towel. "Well, none of us have disappeared into a cluster of dust. So I'm sure we haven't broken anything yet." He crawled onto the bed and smoothly lifted Lance's legs up and over his thighs. "Besides you sounded like it felt good."

Lance's dick lightly twitched and the skin that touched the other Lance's legs burned. He was being so intimate with himself but it felt like someone else, was it because he was partially narcissistic? He felt so nervous and even more embarrassed.

He lifted his arm and brushed his fringe back. "What are you planning on doing now?"

Lance 2 rubbed Lance's thighs soothingly. "I'm actually not too sure, I'm pretty hard right now but I don't if I wanna get sucked off."

Lance leaned up onto his elbows. "Well, it's not like we can go ahead and fuck each other. Allura said we shouldn't do much and we probably disappointed Shiro beyond belief by now."

The other Lance hummed in response. "And we both know who we want the most." He said lowly.

Lance's eyes widened as he looked into the other Lance's averted gaze. "Lance! Don't think about that!" He argued.

The other Lance pursed his lips a bit. "Well, I mean, we've been feeling confident lately right? We could try today. There's two of us, we have the element of confusion." He looked at Lance with a sidelong gaze and mumbled "....Brute force if it comes down to it."

Lance blushed brightly. "Lance that's rape! What the hell are you thinking!"

"The same thing as you!" Lance argued back.

Lance opened his mouth to object but couldn't get any words it of his mouth. After all it was a matter he's been dreaming about for a while now. But, he knew it was wrong. He knew that Lance had to know it too.

"Look Lance, I'm you and you're me. You know as good as me that we might have a chance at this." The other Lance leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Lance's. His dark blue eyes looking into Lance blue hues. "You can't tell me that you don't think the same."

"Lance we -"

"Hey guys, Allura wanted me to check on yo -"

Lance and Lance quickly looked at the door and stiffened heavily.

Keith stared widely at the scene in front of him. His mouth opening and closing as he tried to comprehend the scene before him. He didn't know whether to yell at them, run away, or get someone. Because it looked like the Lance's we're about to fuck as they basically sat in missionary on their bed with their asses facing him. He could genuinely say that it looked pretty damn hot but beyond wrong. He had to stop whatever they were about to do in a simple, firm, and clear way. 

"K-keith...." The Lance below the other said shakily.

Keith straightened his posture and crossed his arms looking down at the Lance's just like Shiro would. He quickly reviewed what he would say and confidently opened his mouth. "Got room?"

......Fuck......

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOp Cliff hanging
> 
> If there are any sentence errors are grammar mistakes please overlook them I do my best to proofread my work. If you have suggestions for new crack fics comment please!


	3. Keith x cliche hentais

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets hentai'd in a cave after he crashed on a nameless desert planet. Can Lance make it in time??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit rapey but we've all seen enough hentai to had known where this one was going.

Keith breathed out and grimaced as he placed his hand against the cave wall and felt something slimy. He quickly withdrew his hand and cautiously kept walking forward through the cave tunnel as his headlight flickered on and off, the light having been damaged from his fall into the cavern. He sighed and tried his comm, "hello? Lance? Shiro? Allura?" He called aloud as he looked around the tunnel, the walls covered in a slick substance he couldn't place his finger on but definitely smelled bad. The foul stench of it permeating into his suit and infiltrating into his nose. 

Keith stared into the path behind him and scowled at it as he though of his lion on the other side. Damaged and asleep, probably repairing itself. No other way out or around his lion than going through the other end of a cave. 

He quickly turned around and started his walking again a long amount of time passing before he notices some light ahead of him. He took a quick step forward before shouting as he slipped on a puddle of...oil? As he bent forward to touch the substance below his feet it suddenly spread across his hand and held him in place. The slickness of the substance seeping past the thick layer of fabric on his hand and his finger-less gloves.

Keith tugged his hand away and was surprised by the lack of resistance but the slick grease instead sticking to his hand, a slivering string connecting his hand to the ground.

It continued to travel up his arm and across his skin. Keith shivered at the slick oily feeling under his armor and underclothing. He tried to back away further from the oil. Pulling his Bayard out to cut the oil string off. His blade cutting through it but the oil reconnecting to it's pool on the floor and other's throughout the tunnel.

Keith began to panic and tried cutting the oil strip into multiple sections to slow down it's reconnect-ability while he kept walking in the direction he assumed was the exit of the cave if the slight amount of light he saw was anything.

He continued walking across the now oil covered ground. Attempting to keep his balance as he slipped on more and more puddles of oil. The foul stench and slick oils connecting from the cavern walls to him. Giving him a headache as he trudged through the tunnel. His legs giving away once he was nearly close to the exit. More light pouring into his vision as he looked at the oils around his armor and felt the rest across his skin underneath it.

He grimaced again and leaned his head up, his eyes rolling back to peer at the exit that was just close enough but still so far. He breathed out heavily as his lungs strained for fresh air. He couldn't stand the smell. He felt like he was about to drown in the oil.

"--eith"

Keith closed his eyes and tried to pull up his hand from his side to try his comm.

"Keith!!" It was Lance.

Keith pressed into his helmet comm and spoke "yeah, i'm here. I need help. Crashed into a cave, I found a way out but--nn!" Keith struggled to get out of the oil again. Peering Down his body to see the oil changing. The clear oil forming into yellow clumps that began to pull at his limbs. Tugging and easily slipping his armor off of his body as a tingling sensation emanated from his lower regions. The situation was getting dire.

"--im close keith---there soo--" Lance said back.

"Uh-huh got you but please hurry something is happening with this stuff on me. I think it's trying to eat me." Keith said as he wiggled his body and tried to shake his numbing legs to knock the oil clumps off, his bayard having been dragged away by the pools of oil around him.

"Sor--i didn't ge---"Lance's voice fizzed out.

"Lance? Lance!" Keith called out has he felt his chest plate slide around and the yellow clumps pushing his arms up to pull the rest of his armor off.

"--eith!----I c--n't--sta---ill b---oon"  
And his line went dead.

Keith grumbled and strained his arms has he focused on his predicament. A burning sensation radiating on his skin. He quickly looked down and noticed as his under armor was being burned off his body where the clumped yellow oil formed. The more clear oil covering the areas underneath. He watched in slight horror as he slowly became more and more exposed. 

He started  _really_  panicking as pools of oil started rising around him and formed into..tentacles? Keith's eyes whipped around him as he watched the clear tentacle-looking oil strips wrap around his legs. The acid protecting layer slipping off of his body, pulling the remaining clumps of yellow grease away with it. Haphazard exposing holes spread all around his black under suit as his armor sat still around him. He tried to struggle against the clear tentacles that seemed so solid and liquidy at the same time. His legs being pulled apart and exposing the small square of his under suit and underwear that covered his private.

Keith put two and two together and lunged forward before being harshly pulled back down by more tentacles that wrapped around his chest and held him and his arms down. He uselessly kicked at the air in a half attempt to shake off the tentacles slithering around and up his legs but with the fluidity of the limbs it left no escape for Keith. 

He breathed a bit erratically as his headache increased from his struggle. He looked at the ceiling of the cave as he realized the lack of feeling in his arms and legs. The damn tentacles were numbing his body. He couldn't do anything but hope for Lance to run a little faster to him.

As separate tentacles came up and moved close to Keith's private area, the tips of them formed into clumps of yellow greasy acid and dripped carelessly onto the last layer of cloth protecting Keith's sanctuary.

Keith shut his eyes closed tight and prepared for the worst as he felt the tentacles around his thighs lift them up and involuntarily spread his legs apart. His inflexible legs paining at the sudden stretch through the numbness the clear oil seeped into his skin. 

With his soft cock now exposed to the cool air of the cave. A tentacle slithered down and prodded at his dick. Keith sharply inhaled as he felt it touch and prod at his love stick. The tentacle moving to coil around his peen as Keith tried to reign in the moans sitting at the base of his throat. The clear tentacle both slicked and pleasured his baby-maker in its oil. leaving a slippery feeling behind with every pump his cum gun. 

Keith gasped and gritted his teeth as the tentacles pulled his legs up into the air, causing his hips and lower body to lift into the air while his chest remained pressed into the dirty ass ground.

While one tentacle continued to pump Keith's growing erection, another one slithered under it and prodded at Keith's puckered portal to paradise. 

Keith's eyes shot open as he suddenly felt an intense stretching pressure shocking through his body. The painful sensation mixing awfully with the numbness of his body. Tears pooled in his eyes, he tried breathing but smelt nothing but the gross stench of the oil, he tried to kick and move his arms but felt nothing but oil and grease around and on his skin. Everything felt awful and he felt so much pain and frustration from his headache that the tears in his eyes began to slip down his cheeks. His lips quivering down as he felt useless. The tentacle in his tunnel of wonders slowly thrusting in and out of his system. Stretching apart his ring of muscle as lil' keith getting rubbed and pumped. Mixing the pain in his ass into a slight pleasure he didn't want to feel in his moment of uselessness.

Keith tucked his head forward as his lips separated apart. careful moans mixing in with his soft sobs and hiccups. The tentacle around his heat-seeking moisture missile getting faster and more creative in its technique as Keith cried out in pain and pleasure.

His ass feeling looser than a whore on a fine Tuesday night after meeting a rich white CEO male willing to spend more hundo's than necessary on a corner worker in the middle of the damn night.

The tentacle having increased its size in his anoose. His dicko straining as pressure built up in his stomach. Keith's mouth opening wider as his groans and moans pushed past his throat and into the air. 

"--Keith!"

Keith mindlessly tipped his head up, his back slightly arching as his fuck tunnel got rammed harder with the thick tentacle shoving itself so far up inside him. He could almost feel it in his stomach. His prostate almost abused in pleasure. His eyes blurred at its edges as his head pained. With what left of focus he had he listened to his comm. Hoping the damaged receiver didn't pick up his lewd moans.

"Keith! You there?" Lance called out.

With how clear Lance's voice came out through the communicator Keith guessed he must really be close to him now.

"I found your lion, it's blocking the entrance to a cave, are you in there?"

Keith desperately wanted to tell Lance to go around the area and find him on the other side of the cave but the sudden pulling sensation in his pickle-stick made his back arch and his moan turn into a half-scream as he came into the air. Hot splots of jizz landing on his stomach as his body twitched and his teeth gritted out erratic breaths. His body and mind relaxing to easily as he came down from his high. The tentacle in his assholio slipping out.

Keith happily thought it was over but then suddenly felt two separate tentacles slip into his ass. His over-sensitive body jolting at the new sensation. His half-soft knob rocket twitching in response. "NO, Stop it I can't take anymore!" He exclaimed out loud as a long breathy moan slipped past his lips.

"You can't what? Keith are you okay?" Lance called out through the communicator. "Is something attacking you? I got my lion opening the cave entrance way open wider right now I'll be there soon, hold out until then." He said as Keith moaned rhythymically with the thrusts of the tentacles in his butt. His dick, now erect again, bouncing against his stomach as his bum-tunnel got rammed consecutively by the two tentacles invading it. 

"Lance, Lance.." Keith called out in time, half in desperation to tell Lance to hurry up and half another reason. Maybe to just say something. His headache paining his eyes and thoughts.

"I'm coming buddy, hang in there, lil'red almost has the cave open." Lance responded almost as if he heard Keith calling out his name.

Keith breathed out erratically his voice almost giving out as his eyes fell back and his stomach being to strain again, his toes curling as he got closer and closer to his ejaculation. His body practically moving with every slam of the tentacles into his ass. 

"C-Cumming, I'm cumming, cum-!" Keith called out breathlessly. "I know, I got it open, I'm coming Keith." Lance responded in time.  Keith calling out Lance's name more strongly as he tucked his head into his chest and stilled his body one last time as fresh cum shot from the tip of his dick and landed over his stomach again. The tentacles slipping out of his ass and spurting out sticky clear liquids over his body. 

The tentacles quickly slipping away from his body and letting Keith's numbed and tired body fall to the ground as Keith laid there breathing heavily. The clear tentacles whipping around towards Lance who shot lazer beams at them. Causing them to burn and blow up, the clear pools of oil quickly etching themselves into the ground and walls as Lance cleared out the entities around Keith before rushing towards him, practically falling to his knees as he picked Keith up in his arms. 

"Keith, Keith!" Lance called out as he lightly shook the man in his arms.

Keith's eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Lance who held a panicked and worried expression. "Lance" He called aloud in a raspy voice.

Lance breathed out in relief. He looked down at Keith's body and slightly grimaced. "Fuck what did those things do to you?" He asked.

Keith turned his body and buried his head into Lance's chest. "I'm glad you're here."

Lance pursed his lips and held Keith closer in his arms. "Yeah, I got you now buddy. I cleared the way here so let me carry you back to red and I'll help you get cleaned up."

"Thanks..." Keith mumbled as he felt tired.

Lance tucked his right arm under Keith's chest and quickly brushed off the sticky pools of clear liquid off of Keith as best as he could before tucking his other arm under Keith's legs. Lifting the boy up effortlessly. "I'll pick up your armor once your back in my lion." Lance said aloud as he began walking towards the red and black lion. Keith tiredly listening but feeling his mind slip into unconsciousness as Lance carried him.

"you're okay now Keith." Keith heard just before he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever read a fanfic that gets progressively awful? Here you go.
> 
> If there are any sentence errors are grammar mistakes please overlook them I do my best to proofread my work. If you have suggestions for new crack fics comment please!


	4. Keith x Lance x The good succ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KLance heads to a hotel for some heated fun to warm them from their stormy date.

Rain poured down rhythmically as the night sky was riddled with clouds that darkened the city despite the time.

Not that Lance would know what time it would've been. Paying more attention to other things as he listened to the light tacking sounds of soft rain hitting the windows of his hotel room.

His thoughts of the rain subsiding as he rolled his neck to the side and held a hand over his mouth as his lips pursed a moan back and his spine shuddered. 

It was only coincidence that he was in the situation that was occurring. Rain, a ruin to his date, and then a convenient hotel service close by.

Honestly, in his opinion, he hadn't even stepped through the door before he was pushed against the wall with a pressing kiss from his rain soaked date.

Speaking of dates.

Keith slowly licked a tongue up the underside of Lance's throbbing cock before dipping his mouth over the member. Lance watching himself disappear into Keith's mouth, a shiver racing up his spine as he felt Keith move his tongue around his sensitive head every time he backed away before devouring him again.

It was enough to make Lance's legs weak. And that's what happened when Keith pressed his head closer to his stomach. Lance arching his back against the wall as he felt his cock slide deeper into Keith's warm mouth. His hands threading into Keith's hair and legs stretching out with a slight shake as he shamelessly moaned out loud. 

Keith teasingly moving away before Lance could fully release from the intense feeling of going down his throat. 

Lance sighed aloud before looking down at Keith with a breathless expression and a heavy set blush. "That was pretty bad of you Keith, my knees almost buckled."

Keith smirked. "I'll hold you up." He commented before sliding his arms under Lance's legs, pushing up one of them to lay over his shoulder before he lazily lapped at his cock.

"Keith." Lance called out in a half moan as he scratched up the scalp of Keith's hair and tightened more strands between his fingers. Closing his eyes as he laid his head back against the wall, feeling Keith's tongue tease and lap at his slit. His back soon pressing up against the wall, his hands tangling deeper into soft locks as unbelievably obscene noises left his throat.

Keith grazed his lips across the side of Lance's cock, before placing a soft kiss against his wet tip. Opening his mouth and sliding it over just his head. Lance fighting the urge to thrust his hips forward into Keith's swollen lips. Keith making that notion harder for him as he slid forward to the base of his erection, sucking harshly.

Lance moaned loudly and felt his legs lose their strength as he slumped into the wall. Keith quickly hooking both of his legs over his shoulders while still deep throating him like a champ and boi howdy was that a sight for Lance.

His mans holding him up effortlessly as he held his cock deep down in his mouth. His dark eyes trained onto his own as he looked down at the sight of his thighs on either side of Keith's face. He almost came, but Keith wasn't having it as he looked back down and sucked again. Causing Lance to lean forward from the stimulation, his hand uselessly covering his mouth as he moaned longinly aloud. His legs sliding down Keith's back as his toes curled in with a slight shiver. "K-Keith! Can't touch floor, heavy.." He tried to say before another deep moan interrupted his words and he was back to breathlessly whimpering and utterly melting with the feeling of Keith's warm tongue and hot mouth comforting his throbbing cock. 

Lance mindlessly  moaned as tears softly fell from the edges of his eyes, sliding across his burning cheeks. With barely any movements Keith made Lance come undone at the seems, his head slightly bobbing back and forth as he moaned around Lance's cock. His muscles flexing as he held Lance's entire weight up while the boy mercilessly bucked his hips into his throat and made him gag lightly.

"Ke-keef, cumm. I'mm gonna-Nnh!" Lance tried to say but barely got out before he was arching back and succumbing to the inscessant pull of his stomach and balls as he released deep into Keith's mouth. Barely hearing the man below him lightly sputter and cough around his member as he finished inside him.

Keith tried to keep together but knew he couldn't keep most of the saliva and cum that feel out of the edges of his mouth inside it. He continued to hold Lance up as his legs lightly shook and his lower body jolted from pleasure before he internally smirked and closed his mouth around Lance again. 

Lance felt Keith move his mouth away from him and was about to question him aloud but was halted as Keith began to suck harshly from the middle of his cock to his tip. Lance shakily breath-moaning as he practically felt the remaining spurts in his cock be sucked out forcefully. His already sensitive cock burning his skin with pleasure as Keith mercilessly sucked out the remaining drops of his cum out of him. His whole body screaming with an indescribable over stimulation that he started yell out a moan as he pulled at Keith's head and hair in a half attempt to get him away from his sensitive member before he passed out.

Keith heading the tugging and letting go of Lance with a pop of his lips. Swallowing the small amount of cum in his mouth as he eased Lance down onto the ground. Relishing in the desperately over stimulated look that Lance had as he panted aloud with his mouth open. His hands hips and thighs twitching as his hands lighly trembled from the sensitivity he felt in his softening cock.

"Too much?" Keith asked aloud with a small smile.

Lance swallowed saliva and over stimulated nerves as he tried to put on a challenging smirk. "That was a bit mean but now I know how to pay you back for it." 

"Two times as bad?" Keith asked as he he lightly started undressing Lance commenting about sweat as he carefully pulled articles of clothing off of the boy.

Lance moving to accommodate him. "Of course. Now, how about we use that bed over there? I've been practicing." He said once Keith finished rolling his clothes up together before softly picking him up bridal style and carrying him over to the bed.

With a light toss from Keith, Lance softly bounced off of the cushion of the bedding and crawled over to the edge of the bed as he watched Keith come closer to him. Lance's hands reaching out to pull Keith's hips closer to him a playful smile highlighting his face as he undid Keith's belt buckle and pulled down his zipper.

"Do you need any water?" Keith asked despite having a slightly hoarse sounding voice himself.

Lance lightly chuckled. "More like you need water," He rolled onto his back and laid his head over the edge of the bed. "I don't need any..." He trailed off as he hooked his hands around the back of Keith's thighs and edged the man closer to him.

Keith smirked down at Lance as  he was roughly pulled closer to him. His hands easily finding their way around the bottom of Lance's head and over his throat. He shamelessly let his member settle atop of Lance's lips. Hard and twitching at the contact of soft skin against his heated erection. "I'm barely holding it in so I'll make this quick," He brought a finger up and tugged Lance's lips apart, who gladly stretched his mouth wide open and even stuck his tongue out. "Wouldn't want you to get a headache." He said before he rested his thumb over his member and began to push into Lance's mouth. 

 Lance's tongue twirling around the head of Keith's cock as it was slowly pushed into his mouth. Only stopping his playful tongue in favor of focusing on the relaxation of the muscles in the back of his throat as Keith continued to press forward. His mouth parting slightly as he too focused on the sight of his hardened cock disappearing into Lance's mouth. One hand softly holding up his boyfriend's head while the other moved from his erection down to Lance's neck. His hand spreading out and circling around his throat, as if to feel his member sliding deeper and deeper into Lance and past his gag muscles. "Breaath..." Keith reminded Lance aloud as he felt Lance's muscles ever so slightly squeeze around him. Nudging him to pause in fear of hurting Lance until he felt a reassuring press against his lower back from Lance's hands and began to ease into his throat further. Deeper and further, driving his cock inside until the hilt of his member lightly touched Lance's lips.

Lance angling his head to the side to steadily breath through his nose as he closed his eyes and focused on the sense of Keith's cock resting inside of his mouth and more than slightly past his gag reflex. His muscles contracting but lacking in force from many times of practice as he closed his lips around the base of Keith's cock. Ignoring the slight stream of drool leaking from the edges of his lips as he began to hum around Keith's erection. 

The action eliciting a deep moan from Keith as he tilted his head back, his eyes closed. Writhing in the tingling sensation around his erection as his hips began to slightly drag outwards. Lance quickly responding to the motion by opening his mouth up, ready to let Keith thrust into his throat. 

Keith carefully pulled halfway out before easing back inside of Lance. Shakily moaning aloud at the incredibly slick feeling sticking to his cock from Lance's saliva. The wetness combo-ed with the squeezing and slightly tight feeling of his cock utterly filling up the space of Lance's mouth and throat as he thrusted deeper into him making his spine tingle. 

"Ahh, Lance" He called out longingly as he looked down at the stretched out and beautifully tanned body below him. He stared closely at the flex and release of Lance's throat as he slid in and out of his mouth. Moving his thumb soothingly across the area where he could phantom feel his cock slide into. 

Lance harshly breathed through his nose as Keith thrusted slightly faster and pressed against his mouth more. Signaling his release occurring soon. 

"C-coming. Let me pull out." Keith said in between breaths. But Lance denied his tugging hips and simply held him closer as he moaned, sending vibrations across Keith's cock.

"Ah-stupid, don't - no!" Keith said aloud as the pull in his lower stomach burned more until he felt his release surge through him. His hips freezing as he pressed deep down into Lance's throat.

Lance half-choking and definitely doing his best to swallow down Keith's cum as it splurged directly down his throat. His body reacting to a sudden gag reflex from his mouth getting fuller than he could swallow. His hands roughly pushing keith away who easily slipped out but finished against Lance's cheek.

"Oh fuck, sorry." Keith said as he half - wobbled over to a side table by the bed and grabbed a few tissues. Quickly returning to clean the remnants of his cum that had flowed out of Lance's mouth and from his own involuntary spill across his face.

Once cleaned up, lance simply rolled onto his stomach and massaged his jaw. "Hurts." He said in an incredibly broken voice.

Keith sat on the bed and rubbed a hand soothingly across Lance's smooth back. "I told you to let me pull out."

"I could've done it." Lance said with a slight pout.

Keith lightly laughed. "Sure, Lance." He said before moving towards the bathroom, turning back around once he was half way through the door. "Bath?" He asked aloud.

Lance gave a small smile and nodded. "Bath." He agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone notice the poor attempt at an exposition? Yes?

**Author's Note:**

> If there are any sentence errors are grammar mistakes please overlook them I do my best to proofread my work. If you have suggestions for new crack fics comment please!


End file.
